bloggage update about my health – if you are not interested I won’t mind at all if you don’t read it!

A less-documented cause of head pain

I am a migrainist. I have suffered from chronic migraines since 2002 (ie constant) until the installation of a wonderful device called an Occipital Nerve Stimulator. Since it was plumbed in in 2010 I have become more and more headache-free. BSOF*

However, it is battery-powered. And the battery has almost expired. No matter what you think, I don’t have a solar panel fitted to the top of my head, so the battery will need replacing.

Today I went to the National Neurology Hospital in London (where wonderful people do incredible things to brains) and found out that because of the funding hoops through which we have to jump in order to get a new ONS fitted, and because of the waiting list, it may be anything from 6 months to a year before it can be done.

In the interim the headaches are coming back. There aren’t any short term solutions available, so it’s back to grinning and bearing it. DGF

If you are a pray-er, I would appreciate prayers for grace to cope and a smooth journey through the NHS bureaucracy. If you are not a pray-er, perhaps you could just think nice thoughts for me and be tolerant if I am out of sorts.

Be blessed, be a blessing.

A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.

Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it.

The doctor assured the nurse, “Don’t worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anaesthetic.”

 

A little girl went up to her mother one day while holding her stomach saying, “Mum, my tummy hurts.” Her mother replied, “That’s because it’s empty, you have to put something into it!”

Later that day when the Minister and her husband were over for dinner. The Minister began to feel bad. Holding her head she said, “I have such a terrible headache!”

The little girl looked up at her giving her the sweetest smile that any little child could give. Then she said, “That’s because it’s empty, you have to put something into it!”

 

*Big Smile On Face

*Disappointed Grumpy Face

hay polo jeeps

Today I shall be mostly visiting a hospital for a check up on my cyber brain. Bloggerel is unlikely to be dispensed…

mind your language

I’ve just had an interesting ‘moment’ caused by an inadequately phrased headline on the BBC website. The headline was: “Star Church settles over hacking.” This set all sorts of questions running in my head…

What sort of church is a “Star Church”? Does it have something to do with Star Wars or Star Trek, so that this is some form of niche church for sci-fi enthusiasts? Or is it a church for people who are famous – it would be interesting to know how you define “famous”?

And what is a church doing “settling”? It sounds as if they are accepting less than the best.            I struggle with the idea that we would ever utter the words, “That’ll do” where we accept just about adequate in church. Surely if all that we do is as an act of worship to Christ we should offer our very best – even if that doesn’t turn out to be the best thing ever since sliced bread. Or perhaps it was about that special church getting a new minister (we use the term ‘settling’ to describe the process of calling / choosing / electing / blind dating / selection of Baptist Ministers and churches).

And was this a story about someone with a really bad cough who was disturbing the congregation during a service, about an unfortunate interchurch hockey match, or about a minister who (like me) is learning to play golf?

Actually it is none of these. This is both unsurprising and disappointing. The headline related to Charlotte Church reaching a settlement with the News of the World for the way that they hacked into her phone. While it’s a shame that it was none of my interpretations, once you know the back story you can understand the headline.

So what about I have been washed in the blood of the Lamb; or We are the Bride of Christ; or I give you all the honour and praise that’s due your name?

We, who are regular churchgoers, know the back story. We know what we mean by these phrases. We know (for the most part) what songs and hymns are saying as we sing them. But what about those who are new to church or new to the Christian faith? I have been challenged about this again recently by conversations with a new Christian. She is asking all the right questions about what and when and how and why – questions to which we assume everybody knows the answers. I know she sometimes reads these bloggages so to her I want to say, “Thank you. Keep on asking the questions and challenging my assumptions.”

And to the rest of us: mind your language!

Being lent on

Is it acceptable to give up giving things up for Lent? As today is the first day of Lent I have seen and heard of many people who are giving up Facebook, chocolate, crisps, TV, and even grumpiness for Lent.

Sometimes I have been told these acts of virtuousness by people who have then asked me what I am giving up, with the expectation that I will be. “Give up coffee,” I was told today. The pressure to conform is strong. But my nonconformist roots are stronger so I will not be giving anything up (although I will try not to be too grumpy) both because Lent is not something nonconformist Christians have gone for as wholeheartedly as the Established Church, and because I don’t like being told to do something. (An interesting observation from a fellow Baptist Minister today was that we make a lot more of Advent than we do of Lent. Hmmm what does that say about us?)

When I was a teenager, and then later as a Youth Minister, I was encouraged / would teach that young people should resist peer pressure: “Just because everyone else is doing it, it doesn’t mean you should.” Now there is truth in that when what they are doing is less than godly, but I think there is also an element in which peer pressure is positive.

In church we encourage one another to keep going in the faith. In society, the general peer pressure is to conform to levels of decency and behaviour that tend towards a stable country and well-being.

But how do you discern between good and bad peer pressure? What makes one good and one bad? When is being lent on something to welcome and when is it something to resist?

I think the answer is in Colossians 3 (look it up!). Remember that this letter was written to a group of Christians, not an individual. The negative and positive peer pressure is to be exercised collectively, not on our own!

Be blessed, be a blessing.

See if you can work out why this is a good joke for this season:

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from a car engine when he spotted a well known heart surgeon in his garage. The surgeon was waiting for the service manager to look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?”

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic who was working on the car engine. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands and said, “So doc, look at this engine, I open its heart, take valves out, fix them, put ‘em back and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”

The surgeon paused, smiled and leant over and whispered to the mechanic, “Try doing it with the engine running.”

pointing power

I have been well and truly stitched up. Following an innocent conversation last year about good and bad PowerPoint presentations we have seen, one of the participants offered me up as a sacrificial lamb to run a seminar/workshop at this year’s Ministers’ Conference (where I am currently) on PowerPoint skills.

I find that daunting. Already one person has described me as the ‘PowerPoint Guru’ and I haven’t even run the workshop yet. And ‘workshop’ is an interesting description. Given the limitations of the network here and the display hardware there is a real limit to what we can do that is ‘workshoppy’. And not everyone will be running the same version of PowerPoint on their computers, even though I have invited them to bring them along.

I plan to share some the advice I have been given over the years and some of the stuff I have learnt by trial and (mostly) error. I  hope we can share the collective wisdom of the group and all learn new stuff.

I have had some training on PowerPoint, but I find it easiest to pick up ideas and tips by trying stuff out. It is very difficult to break the program, and if you save as you go along you can always go back if you make a mistake.

That’s surely what Jesus meant when he said, “Follow me.” He did not offer a training course that led to a qualification. He simply invited people to learn from him, copy him and try stuff. Too often I think we are scared to try new things and ideas in case it goes wrong. We won’t be able to break Christianity, and we can always go back and start again if we make a mistake.

Be blessed, be a blessing (especially if you are coming to my seminar / workshop!)

space the final frontier?

Today I am going to join with fellow Baptist Ministers from the East of England at our annual conference. It is an occasion I really look forward to each year. It looks like there is a good line-up of sessions and there are some high-quality speakers (orators not the fixed to the wall amplification type). I am sure that the sessions will prove beneficial to me and hoping to return from the conference refreshed and inspired.

It is often the case, however, that these spaces in between the sessions are at least as valuable (if not more) then the session themselves. That is not unique to this conference but has been my experience at almost every conference I have attended or even participated in as a speaker. In those spaces conversations can take place but strengthen friendships, establish new ones, provide inspiration and ideas, and also enable participants to relax and (hopefully) laugh.

Spaces are important. if there were no spaces between words, for example, itwouldbemuchmoredifficulttoworkoutwhatwaswrittenonthepage. If we do not leave adequate spaces between moving traffic we end up with car accidents. And none of us like a personal space being invaded!

I think spaces are important in our spiritual life as well. we need opportunities to pause, reflect, take time out, consider, reconnect, repent, start again and so on. It is important to try to build them into our daily routines (that’s why I write this bloggerel) but also to make the most of the ones that occur by accident.

When I am driving around I like to try and reflect on and pray for people I know. It may be that I recognise their car (or there is one like theirs that reminds me of them); it may be that I drive near somebody’s house; it may be that I drive past their workplace (or a similar one) – there are many different ways in which I’m reminded of other people and offer prayer on their behalf. Another way I use driving time is to put a worship CD on and sing along (I usually keep the windows and sunroof closed).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some super spiritual being who goes around in a holy haze of prayer all the time, but I do find that God prompts my praying if I am looking for him to do so.

I also find that sometimes the spaces are brilliant occasions just to stop, do nothing, enjoy life and (hopefully) laugh. There’s nothing wrong with that, and indeed there is plenty right with it!

What will you do with the spaces in your life today?

Alternative driving tips:

1. Turn signals will give away your next move.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered going with the flow.

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.

6. A right lane closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same people to squeeze their way back in before hitting the cones.

7. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork repairs.

8. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it’s a chance to stretch your legs.

9. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It’s a good way to scare people entering the motorway.

10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable if the reason for your journey is more important than everyone else’s.

11. Just because you’re in the outside lane and have no room to speed up or move over it doesn’t mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn’t think he can go faster in your spot.

12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic.

13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre.

14. Learn to swerve abruptly: slalom driving keeps everyone else on their toes.

15. It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don’t move the instant the light changes.

16. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding. Someone like you might be coming the other way (see 4 above)

17. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

the middle ages

Today I have passed a significant milestone in life. It’s my birthday. I am 45. That’s okay. I can cope with that. But what is disturbing is that for most surveys and occasions in which I have to declare my age I have now transitioned from the comforting 35-44 age bracket to the slightly scary 45-54 age bracket.

Oooer.

Am I now officially middle aged?