A less-documented cause of head pain

I am a migrainist. I have suffered from chronic migraines since 2002 (ie constant) until the installation of a wonderful device called an Occipital Nerve Stimulator. Since it was plumbed in in 2010 I have become more and more headache-free. BSOF*

However, it is battery-powered. And the battery has almost expired. No matter what you think, I don’t have a solar panel fitted to the top of my head, so the battery will need replacing.

Today I went to the National Neurology Hospital in London (where wonderful people do incredible things to brains) and found out that because of the funding hoops through which we have to jump in order to get a new ONS fitted, and because of the waiting list, it may be anything from 6 months to a year before it can be done.

In the interim the headaches are coming back. There aren’t any short term solutions available, so it’s back to grinning and bearing it. DGF

If you are a pray-er, I would appreciate prayers for grace to cope and a smooth journey through the NHS bureaucracy. If you are not a pray-er, perhaps you could just think nice thoughts for me and be tolerant if I am out of sorts.

Be blessed, be a blessing.

A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.

Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it.

The doctor assured the nurse, “Don’t worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anaesthetic.”

A little girl went up to her mother one day while holding her stomach saying, “Mum, my tummy hurts.” Her mother replied, “That’s because it’s empty, you have to put something into it!”

Later that day when the Minister and her husband were over for dinner. The Minister began to feel bad. Holding her head she said, “I have such a terrible headache!”

The little girl looked up at her giving her the sweetest smile that any little child could give. Then she said, “That’s because it’s empty, you have to put something into it!”

*Big Smile On Face

*Disappointed Grumpy Face

What sort of church is a “Star Church”? Does it have something to do with Star Wars or Star Trek, so that this is some form of niche church for sci-fi enthusiasts? Or is it a church for people who are famous – it would be interesting to know how you define “famous”?

And what is a church doing “settling”? It sounds as if they are accepting less than the best.            I struggle with the idea that we would ever utter the words, “That’ll do” where we accept just about adequate in church. Surely if all that we do is as an act of worship to Christ we should offer our very best – even if that doesn’t turn out to be the best thing ever since sliced bread. Or perhaps it was about that special church getting a new minister (we use the term ‘settling’ to describe the process of calling / choosing / electing / blind dating / selection of Baptist Ministers and churches).

And was this a story about someone with a really bad cough who was disturbing the congregation during a service, about an unfortunate interchurch hockey match, or about a minister who (like me) is learning to play golf?

Actually it is none of these. This is both unsurprising and disappointing. The headline related to Charlotte Church reaching a settlement with the News of the World for the way that they hacked into her phone. While it’s a shame that it was none of my interpretations, once you know the back story you can understand the headline.

So what about I have been washed in the blood of the Lamb; or We are the Bride of Christ; or I give you all the honour and praise that’s due your name?

We, who are regular churchgoers, know the back story. We know what we mean by these phrases. We know (for the most part) what songs and hymns are saying as we sing them. But what about those who are new to church or new to the Christian faith? I have been challenged about this again recently by conversations with a new Christian. She is asking all the right questions about what and when and how and why – questions to which we assume everybody knows the answers. I know she sometimes reads these bloggages so to her I want to say, “Thank you. Keep on asking the questions and challenging my assumptions.”

And to the rest of us: mind your language!

Sometimes I have been told these acts of virtuousness by people who have then asked me what I am giving up, with the expectation that I will be. “Give up coffee,” I was told today. The pressure to conform is strong. But my nonconformist roots are stronger so I will not be giving anything up (although I will try not to be too grumpy) both because Lent is not something nonconformist Christians have gone for as wholeheartedly as the Established Church, and because I don’t like being told to do something. (An interesting observation from a fellow Baptist Minister today was that we make a lot more of Advent than we do of Lent. Hmmm what does that say about us?)

When I was a teenager, and then later as a Youth Minister, I was encouraged / would teach that young people should resist peer pressure: “Just because everyone else is doing it, it doesn’t mean you should.” Now there is truth in that when what they are doing is less than godly, but I think there is also an element in which peer pressure is positive.

In church we encourage one another to keep going in the faith. In society, the general peer pressure is to conform to levels of decency and behaviour that tend towards a stable country and well-being.

But how do you discern between good and bad peer pressure? What makes one good and one bad? When is being lent on something to welcome and when is it something to resist?

I think the answer is in Colossians 3 (look it up!). Remember that this letter was written to a group of Christians, not an individual. The negative and positive peer pressure is to be exercised collectively, not on our own!

Be blessed, be a blessing.

See if you can work out why this is a good joke for this season:

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from a car engine when he spotted a well known heart surgeon in his garage. The surgeon was waiting for the service manager to look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?”

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic who was working on the car engine. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands and said, “So doc, look at this engine, I open its heart, take valves out, fix them, put ‘em back and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”

The surgeon paused, smiled and leant over and whispered to the mechanic, “Try doing it with the engine running.”

I find that daunting. Already one person has described me as the ‘PowerPoint Guru’ and I haven’t even run the workshop yet. And ‘workshop’ is an interesting description. Given the limitations of the network here and the display hardware there is a real limit to what we can do that is ‘workshoppy’. And not everyone will be running the same version of PowerPoint on their computers, even though I have invited them to bring them along.

I plan to share some the advice I have been given over the years and some of the stuff I have learnt by trial and (mostly) error. I  hope we can share the collective wisdom of the group and all learn new stuff.

I have had some training on PowerPoint, but I find it easiest to pick up ideas and tips by trying stuff out. It is very difficult to break the program, and if you save as you go along you can always go back if you make a mistake.

That’s surely what Jesus meant when he said, “Follow me.” He did not offer a training course that led to a qualification. He simply invited people to learn from him, copy him and try stuff. Too often I think we are scared to try new things and ideas in case it goes wrong. We won’t be able to break Christianity, and we can always go back and start again if we make a mistake.

Be blessed, be a blessing (especially if you are coming to my seminar / workshop!)

It is often the case, however, that these spaces in between the sessions are at least as valuable (if not more) then the session themselves. That is not unique to this conference but has been my experience at almost every conference I have attended or even participated in as a speaker. In those spaces conversations can take place but strengthen friendships, establish new ones, provide inspiration and ideas, and also enable participants to relax and (hopefully) laugh.

Spaces are important. if there were no spaces between words, for example, itwouldbemuchmoredifficulttoworkoutwhatwaswrittenonthepage. If we do not leave adequate spaces between moving traffic we end up with car accidents. And none of us like a personal space being invaded!

I think spaces are important in our spiritual life as well. we need opportunities to pause, reflect, take time out, consider, reconnect, repent, start again and so on. It is important to try to build them into our daily routines (that’s why I write this bloggerel) but also to make the most of the ones that occur by accident.

When I am driving around I like to try and reflect on and pray for people I know. It may be that I recognise their car (or there is one like theirs that reminds me of them); it may be that I drive near somebody’s house; it may be that I drive past their workplace (or a similar one) – there are many different ways in which I’m reminded of other people and offer prayer on their behalf. Another way I use driving time is to put a worship CD on and sing along (I usually keep the windows and sunroof closed).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some super spiritual being who goes around in a holy haze of prayer all the time, but I do find that God prompts my praying if I am looking for him to do so.

I also find that sometimes the spaces are brilliant occasions just to stop, do nothing, enjoy life and (hopefully) laugh. There’s nothing wrong with that, and indeed there is plenty right with it!

What will you do with the spaces in your life today?

Alternative driving tips:

1. Turn signals will give away your next move.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered going with the flow.

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.

6. A right lane closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same people to squeeze their way back in before hitting the cones.

7. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork repairs.

8. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it’s a chance to stretch your legs.

9. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It’s a good way to scare people entering the motorway.

10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable if the reason for your journey is more important than everyone else’s.

11. Just because you’re in the outside lane and have no room to speed up or move over it doesn’t mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn’t think he can go faster in your spot.

12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic.

13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre.

14. Learn to swerve abruptly: slalom driving keeps everyone else on their toes.

15. It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don’t move the instant the light changes.

16. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding. Someone like you might be coming the other way (see 4 above)

17. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

Oooer.

Am I now officially middle aged?

The idea is that each day during Lent we are encouraged to consider our position of privilege in the wealthy West and make a small donation or pray a prayer that can be used to help alleviate poverty and suffering in the poorer parts of the world through Christian Aid. I have found it a very helpful balance in my life to do this.

It is all to easy for us to become relaxed and comfortable with our standard of living. We don’t consider ourselves to be wealthy. Well let me tell you that I KNOW you are wealthy. How? You are reading this blog. You have access to the internet. In Mali only 0.2% of the population have access to the internet.

How will that knowledge change the way you view yourself? How does it change the way you view the world? When you give thanks to God for your circumstances do you do so glibly or do you accept the responsibility that they bring with them?

Lent starts on Ash Wednesday. Count Your Blessings 2012 starts on 27th Feb. It’s not to late to get involved!

Be blessed, be a blessing.

*Leaflets will be available from our church on Sunday, or you can download it from here (an android phone app is also available).

On the way back home, travelling down the M1 motorway, the traffic warning system told us that the M25 was closed in the section that we were intending to use. I made use of our satellite navigation system (complete with Homer Simpson voice) and diverted across country. Homer (that’s what I call my satnav for obvious reasons) gave us a route that cut across to the M11 motorway. We were pootling along quite happily when the traffic started to slow down and eventually came to a stop. This was only a few miles from the junction we were going to come off at.

There was a massive amount of activity just a few hundred metres further up the road from us. We could see flashing lights and a number of police cars, ambulances and traffic control cars sped past in the direction of the accident (it seemed like a fair assumption that that is what had happened). The air ambulance came and went, and then it came and went again. It seems like there must have been quite a catastrophic event with serious injuries and perhaps even people having died.

Within the queue a certain amount of camaraderie emerged. People got out of their cars and started talking with one another and those who had ventured towards the front of the queue came back with news about what was happening. We could see people from other cars having snacks, making phone calls and so on (you have to ask my children what “so on” refers to).

I have to admit that I was getting a bit frustrated. We were so close to the front of the queue and not far from the exit that we needed and were having to wait. So near yet so far! In the end we waited over an hour and a half before eventually the traffic started moving again.

As we drove past the site of the incident there was nothing to see. All of the debris and damaged cars had been taken away and it was as if nothing had happened. Driving on I reflected on how I had felt in the middle of the queue. I was ashamed to realise that I was more concerned about the delays that I was experiencing them the people who were suffering ahead of me in the accident. It’s very easy to get self-centred isn’t it? Even when we follow the most selfless of people who has ever lived, Jesus of Nazareth, there are times when we revert to type, forget what he would have been doing (praying?) and worry about ourselves.

And if we can do this as individuals, we can also do this as churches and even as denominations. We can become so preoccupied with our own priorities (no matter how worthy the and important they may be) that we forget the needs around us. I can’t help wondering how Jesus feels when he looks at us debating, discussing, deliberating and (if trying to put a holy spin on it) discerning before we finally come up with a decision about the colour of the new tea set (or whatever the equivalent of that would be for a denomination).

I can’t help worrying that Synod debates about women bishops, consultations about the future of the Baptist Union, discussions about the colour of carpets, and even such important issues as the length of sermons are completely irrelevant to most of the people who live near and walk past our church. While they may be significant and important, they are surely not the most important thing of all. Those who are hungry and homeless are not blessed by such discussions. Those who need to hear about Jesus are not hearing about him through these things. Are we selfishly stuck?

Church is God’s Plan A. It is often said that he does not have a Plan B. Does he sometimes wish he did?

Be blessed, be a blessing.

I have been reflecting on this fact for a while, anticipating what brilliant bloggerel I should post on here to mark the occasion. And it struck me how arbitrary it is that we celebrate specific landmarks in time and events. We make a special thing of celebrating 18th and 21st birthdays, and then any birthday that ends with a 0. We particularly celebrate 25th wedding anniversaries, and then some of those ending with 0. This year we celebrate the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee – 60 years on the throne – and all sorts of celebratory malarkey is planned.

But why don’t we celebrate as much for the intervening events? Why is the 22nd birthday less significant than the 21st? Or why don’t we make as big a deal of a 26th wedding anniversary? And why is no massive nationwide jamboree planned for the Queen’s 61st year on the throne? After all, these are one year better than the previous ones, so surely we should be celebrating even more!

I am not sure I have an answer to that, except that if we ramped up the celebrations each succeeding year we would reach a point where the scale and energy of the celebrating exceeds our ability to participate in it.

The Bible is full of celebrations. Festivals mark the whole year in the Old Testament, and these punctuate Jesus’ life too. Christians add a couple of special ones of our own (Christmas, Easter…) and celebrate what they mean. But perhaps we should cultivate our attitude of gratitude to God and celebrate each day that he has given us, and all that it may bring. This is one reason why praying at the start of a day can be a blessing to us. And perhaps we should make more of sharing bread and wine at Communion / Eucharist / Mass / Lord’s Supper – remembering Jesus’ death and celebrating not only his resurrection but also our new life that is freely offered as an act of loving grace.

So the 501st bloggage should be as significant as this one… but don’t count on that reflecting in the quality!

Be blessed, be a blessing, celebrate!

*first one to say where that quote is from can give themselves a celebratory pat on the back.

A man was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses… one for each year of her life.

That evening he called the local florist, his best friend, and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.

As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good friend, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.

The poor fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.