Archeology
As Jesus was celebrated by the
Rabble along the road, the
Chief Priests complained:
“Hey Jesus!” they
Exclaimed
Over the
Loud shouts
Of joy praising
“You should shut them up!”
“Stones would shout
Praise if
Everyone else was silent.”
Answered Jesus,
Knowingly.
Smiling to himself.
[Guest pote: Thomas Lear, aged 6]
Shepherds throwing their smelly socks about
One night in Bethlem shepherds are throwing their socks about.
At the sheep.
Oh the Shepherds are singing the song:
“Let’s throw our socks about, oh let’s throw our socks about.”
The socks hit Bethlem, the socks hit the sheep,
The socks hit the trees, the socks hit angles (sic).
Oh the Shepherds are…
Soon Bethlem and the outside will be destroyed.
© 2000 Thomas James Lear
Having run from the hills as fast as they were able,
What did the shepherds expect to find in the draughty stable?
And when they went back to the sheep were they very happy –
To have been the first people to see God in a nappy?
Personal Problems
When I think of my God in agony on the cross
I blame Pilate -
You just can’t wash your hands of that, buddy.
When I look at the smoking gun in my hand and the corpse at my feet
I blame the manufacturers,
the government and the police.
When I enjoy watching the images of depravity and destruction on my television
I blame the censors
and those who project such things into my living room.
When I lie and cheat to save my own skin
I blame those
who forced me into the corner.
When I lie awake at night worrying about the effects of what I have done
I blame God
for giving me a conscience.
© 1995 Nick Lear
I hate mornings.
I hate the sounds
of life carrying on.
I hate the normality
of it all.
It’s the end
of my world
and no-one
has noticed.
And most of all
I hate the sound
of that
damned
wretched
cockerel.
© 1995 Nick Lear
If only
I’d kept my mouth shut – making promises he knew I wouldn’t keep.
If only
I’d kept my eyes open – instead of falling asleep.
If only
I’d kept my mouth shut – when they
accused me.
If only
I could stop the tears from flowing.
© 1995 Nick Lear
In the beginning…
God
Created
Everything
And it was good.
In the beginning…
God
Created
Humans
And it was good.
In the beginning…
God
Created
Free will
And it was good.
In the beginning…
God
Was rejected
By humans
And it was not good.
In the beginning…
God
Planned
His response
That was very good.
I have a little problem with something Jesus said.
It’s not that I think he’s wrong, more like a bit misled.
You see his mates asked him for help in their praying, then
Jesus started his teaching not with “if,” but “when.”
© Nick Lear 2000
God Sues
In the High Court today
A Writ was issued
By God.
He was claiming unspecified damages
for emotional distress
caused by Breach of Promise.
In the Particulars of claim millions of
broken promises were listed: all starting,
“God, if you will just help me…”
It was a class action
which was dismissed because there were
too many defendants.
© Nick Lear 2004
Moses lit the burning bush
by using ‘firelights’.
Joshua flattened Jericho
with the help of dynamite.
Israel crossed the Red Sea
in inflatable rubber boats.
And Joseph’s dazzling jacket
was an army surplus coat.
Elijah beat the prophets of Baal
with petrol and a match
‘Jonah and the whale’ concerns
a massive fishing catch.
The skyscraper of Babel
was built by chain gangs.
Manna was not from heaven but
was ready-mix meringue.
Solomon wasn’t really wise he’d
an encyclopaedia
David’s bashing of Goliath was
invented by the media!
The prophecies are all a hoax
they’ve been written ‘post hoc’.
And there was interior plumbing
when Moses hit the rock.
The feeding of the 5,000
was done by outside caterers,
Galilee was frozen over, so
Jesus was a skater-er.
Raising Jesus from the dead
was all special effects.
Any fool can tell you that
no-one resurrects!
© 1987 Nick Lear
In the beginning was the Word
but we refused to listen.
In the beginning was the Word
but we were illiterate.
In the beginning was the Word
but we misspelt him.
In the beginning was the Word
but we didn’t speak his language.
In the beginning was the Word
but we turned him into a sentence.
In the beginning was the Word
but we preferred our own words.
In the beginning was the Word
but we were into moving pictures.
In the beginning was the Word
but we changed the subject.
In the beginning was the Word
but we used him as an expletive.
In the beginning was the Word
but we queried his grammar.
In the beginning was the Word
but we put him in a PowerPoint presentation.
In the beginning was the Word
but we abbreviated him.
______
In the beginning was the Word
In the present is the Word
In the future will be the entire Dictionary
______
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘yes’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘come’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘fulfil’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘enjoy’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘radical’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘laugh’
In the beginning was the WordÄ
and the Word was ‘weep’Ä
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘wait’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘be’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘love’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘please’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘grow’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘willing’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘accept’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘participate’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘empower’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘persevere’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘flourish’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘rebel’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘serve’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘yippee’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘here’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘yesterday’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘now’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘tomorrow’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘die’
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was ‘live’
